Yesterday's happenings made me realize something the painful way: One DOES fall prey to the social norms now and then. It was sad to see what I saw. I was unable to accept it all...

It was no illusion: I knew it would be something like that. But I was still hoping to see something better. (Was I hoping against hope?) It is surely difficult to change for the better.

How then, do people bring a change??

And they do, those who struggle hard enough.

There is a fine line between intentional wrong doing and a forced one. And one draws the line oneself, with the ability, with the 'furqan' that Allah has put in every human heart. If one falls prey to a forced wrong doing (smaller sins or bigger ones), and then starts finding pleasure in sinning, one would comfortably blame the 'others' for forcing it upon one, and try justifying oneself. That won't do. One should always be careful when walking the Road of life; there's always a chance of making apparently minor wrong decisions, taking wrong turns and eventually reaching the worst of destinations. Every step should be a guarded one, lest one should fall in the mire.

Many a time, if we fall prey to our social obligations, it leads us to the other side. And it happens often if we often give in to such norms. (I am only talking about the wierd / bad / wrong norms here.)

A scholar was talking about the same thing on T.V. yesterday. He explained that in his (western) society, it is considered a norm to interact freely with the opposite sex. However in Islam, it is restricted to a great extent. "WHY? But why", one may ask. And rightly so! One SHOULD ask why. Because one would say, "oh, i don't have any wrong intentions: you know, my intentions are pure and it's ok to just have a word with this girl or that one. It's good to listen to them and solve their problems" etc. etc. A thousand excuses to make oneself believe one is not doing anything wrong. However, the guilt-pleasure still lurks somewhere behind, and there's an absolute denial to that. Gradually it leads to "oh, it's ok just to have a cup of coffee with her" or "just to take her to a movie" or "just go for a drive with her" etc.etc. Shaytaan would just not let one feel the gradual change, the proximity of sin, and the distancing from the Right Path...One can extrapolate and see where this person would land.

Such norms should be recognized as wrong, leading to the wrong actions. The result is, one doesn't even realize one's started committing sin before one is actually deep in the situation.

There's time still: if one DOES realize this in time, one should immediately save oneself. If possible, spread the Right Word too. If that's not appropriate for the occasion, one's actions are the best form of 'tableegh'. And Allah is watching over every heart.

One thing that I noticed on our recent trip to the ‘Pakhtun-Lands’—which I always notice and forget—was that all Pakhtuns are a close-knit community. Every time there was a jeep standing on the way, our Pakhtun driver would stop and ask what the matter was. Perhaps it’s a naive statement to make, for they obviously live there together and know each other well. But why don’t we see the same thing in our cities?

This human connection—and the lack thereof—reminds me of my visit to one of my friends’ place. She lives near Deyal Singh College, and that area has a very traditionally-old-Lahori-kind-of -touch. What I noticed there was that neighbours live like one big family. If someone needs something, they’d just ask their neighbours! And look at what we see in our ‘posh’ localities. We don’t even know our neighbours; we don’t want them to interfere; we don’t even know what conditions they are living in, what problems they have, what needs. No, they’re aliens, we’re aliens. No human connection is what our ‘progress’ has thrown us into.

One more thing about Pakhtuns: they are very hospitable people. Really. This child named Sajjad met us on the road and offered us tea without cost. And this hospitality runs deep throughout their community. Man or child, they’d offer you a cup of tea surely. Even if you just stopped by to ask for directions. And guess up to what extent you can see this trait: on a very busy roundabout, we asked a policeman for directions and he offered us tea!